Hi all!
It's me, Jess. I'm writing again, can you believe it?!
Things have been crazy for me this year and its getting to the end of it all and the start of a new chapter. And I feel like if I don't blog about it I might go insane.
What's happening? I'm writing my PhD thesis and I have about two months before I'll be finished and moving on! How exciting. I've just set my own dates for major milestones and its actually pretty thrilling to know I have a set date for when all this madness will be over.
I haven't blogged in quite a while because I just haven't felt like writing. When I was writing my last paper, I didn't feel to good about my writing, I felt very bad about it actually. I had imposter syndrome feelings to the max and I was too critical of my own work to even have the energy to get anything done. It was all just a bit too much stress for me. And I've had to find ways to deal with that stress and anxiety and become more self aware as a result of it.
Just last week I got an email saying my paper had been accepted to be published and you won't believe how happy that made me feel. No more stress about that piece of work, its actually finished and I'm actually proud of what I have accomplished in doing it. When I feel like this, I think to myself that I can actually make it as a physicist. Like maybe I can have the confidence that I need to succeed in this field (or at least to try to succeed because there's also a lot of luck when it comes to succeeding as a physicist).
Now I'm focused on finishing my last project, which means coding up simulations (I actually love debugging codes) and writing my thesis. I'm exciting about writing my thesis because it is my own story and I have control over how I tell it. And just thinking about how I want to tell my story thrills me, and gives me a sense that I am creating something unique and special. I love creating things, and this is the body of work I have been building up to since I started my PhD almost four years ago. It's been a wild ride full of many different emotions and challenges.
I love the fact that I have been living my life while also working on my PhD, I haven't just spent this whole time working non stop, but I have had the opportunity to explore my hobbies and travel to many places. I've spent so much time outside in nature over the years. I've taken up rock climbing and hiking and I even started running recently (I'm amazed I can even run). I've started painting and realised I'm pretty good at it. I've travelled to Japan and to the UK because I'm a researcher but I also had the chance to explore these places and immerse myself in the culture of different countries. The years of my PhD have been a chance for me to balance out my life with my work and I've enjoyed it all.
This weekend I went with a group of friends on a hike to the Jagungal wilderness in Kosciuszko National Park. I got incredibly sunburned on the back of my legs (I'm an idiot and didn't even use sunscreen on my legs!) and I got blisters on my feet and every thing hurts after SO MUCH walking. I realised I really hate walking when I'm in a fowl mood from all the pain (it just sucks). But on the final day of the trip, when we were heading back towards home, I had a much better time and even stopped to appreciate the beauty of the landscape while I was walking. And now that I'm back in my own home and in a much better mood, I feel like I actually enjoyed the trip. And it was actually worth going on (I didn't think this on the first day of the trip, at that point I was regretting coming at all). Taking the time off to go hiking on the weekend is just one of the things that helps to balance out my life. Being outside is essential for me (even though I hate bugs SO MUCH) and being able to view such magnificent landscapes like Kosciuszko National Park makes me appreciate how beautiful the world can be.
Let's wrap up because I don’t want to make this too long and overwhelming. I love my life and I want to share my experiences with all of you because sharing is a part of me that I want to flourish. Being able to confidently present myself as I am to the world and not feel ashamed in any way. I'm excited beyond believe to be writing up my thesis and getting ready to start the next chapter of my life which will take place in London, UK. But I still have a long challenging road ahead of me, and by long I mean in terms of the number of things I have to do, but really there's not much time left at all. Its all going to happen very quickly.
I want to write blogs while I'm writing my thesis, I need to keep a balance to my writing which I have failed to do lately but will hopefully find again. If I get too stressed I won't blog at all, but if I manage my time, then I can write as I want.
I'm also going to continue doing my other hobbies while I write up (although maybe I won't spend too much of my time on things like hiking and painting).
I am obsessively reading books right now (one of my more introverted hobbies) and I think that by the time I finish my thesis I will also have finished the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I started reading them last year and I'm up to the second last book. Like my thesis, most of the reading has happened in the last few months, and it's speeding up. This is my favourite series ever and its just so nice to escape into someone else's fantasy world while dealing with the stress of the real world.
I haven’t shared a blog since September, and a lot has happened since then that I haven't had the energy to share with the world. I wrote most of a blog about my week I spent in London but then I couldn't finish it. I'm not going to write about the stuff that has happened since then but I will share a few photos from the time I've been absent from the internet. And maybe you will hear from me again before I submit my thesis. At least you will definitely hear from me after I submit.
Anyway, see you all later ;)
Here are some photos from my visit to the UK
Here are some photos from other things :P